The Power of Faith: Listening to the inner voice
Anonymous-Breast Cancer Survivor (INDIA).
There’s a wise little inner voice within you that tells you exactly what to do when you face a truth that is so unpleasant . Listening to that wise voice within can be scary because it wants you to face the reality and take action . You realise how important it is to let go of your small self and surrender to the will of the highest good .
That is your test of faith and the test of how brave you are?
I would say that it is my faith that has brought me where I am today. When I got my diagnosis of cancer, I gave a blank look at my doctor when she said “it’s either stage2 or 3 but definitely not stage 1”.When I came out of her office, I said to myself-it is what it is and I can’t wish it away and that’s when my journey to this completely unfamiliar and inhospitable territory started.
When my FNAC and core biopsy reports came, that thing I was afraid of totally happened. The cancer was grade 3 and I was triple negative. So the odds were in my favour.
I knew that I had to step off that cliff anyway.
I just closed my eyes and decided to take the jump-the power of Faith.
Throughout my treatment, be it chemotherapy or surgery and even radiation, the only thing that kept me going was my FAITH.
My faith in my treating doctors, my medications, my treatment plan and the Almighty.
I trusted my journey and knew wherever life took me it would have my best interests at heart. I learned that if you love life, it surely does love you back.
Somewhere in this journey, I also learnt to let go of things that no longer served me.
Letting go of certain things made my life less cluttered. It also brought a lot of clarity. I was a perfectionist and was trying to do too many things at a time. Deep within, I had fear and self-doubt that if I don’t grasp and control my life well, everything will fall apart.
My cancer diagnosis made me hit the rock bottom.
Chemotherapy took me to hell. I was so sick and stuck that I just didn’t have the energy to look at the flaws around me. My son’s school uniform was not ironed or the maid didn’t come and the dishes were not done and other small things like that. I also had to deal with the side effects of the chemo drugs. The sense of not being able to take charge and control things was so overwhelming that I finally chose to give up and let it go. Those were the times I felt absolutely helpless and miserable but I had no choice. I simply decided to ignore the little imperfections and just go with the flow.
I asked myself some serious questions-how would I like to live my life post-treatment?
In the process, I also learnt that life is made up of single days and the more I enjoy and appreciate each day the happier I will be and there will also be peace in my heart.
That is the reason I call it my new life. It’s the beginning of a journey that is inward. Embracing my new life and honouring it is my priority now.
I am taking each day at a time and living in the moment.
I am trying to focus more on my son. He is an amazing kid and is also my biggest asset. I want to see him grow up as a happy, compassionate and emotionally strong person who can deal with every situation and circumstances of life. I have to show him how well he can do it and handle things even when I am not there by his side. Inculcating good values and teaching him the invaluable lessons of life is probably my aim and also my biggest project now.
Again, I do not know what the future has in store for me but I know that I want to make the most of each day. I sometimes feel lucky that God has given me another chance to fix all the wrongs in my life. It might sound a little weird but yes, I strongly feel that sometimes.
Now, I am 9 months post treatment and I am loving each day of my life. Though my medical oncologist has kept me in the wait and watch mode but I am not scared of the uncertainty anymore. I have learnt to trust my heart and love my body a little more. I believe more in self- love and self- care. As I am accepting myself and my circumstances I am also facing my fears and fighting my worries in a much better way. I am living with the hope that soon there would be a drug to target TNBC.
To summarise my life journey, I would say it is not what I thought it would be before I became ill, but it is not the end of life. There is a lot that I will do to live a fulfilling life.